or, How I Expect Too Much of Myself.
Today is my third day home from a traumatic trip to Florida. While the outcome of the trip ultimately was the best possible one – my father didn’t die – the stress of the 14-hour nonstop drive down, the waiting, the worrying, the not sleeping, the inevitable family drama, the two-day trip home and my everpresent still, small voice telling me how fat I am has taken its toll.
I’m quite a wreck. I want to eat everything, in sight or not, especially if it has salt in it. And I’ve also had ice cream on my mind for, literally, days!
I had to visit an Urgent Care while I was in the Sunshine State to treat a rash on my forehead that started spreading to my eyes. (If I were a True Blogger I’d have taken a picture of my little piggy face to show you just how bad it was. Believe me, if I went to an Urgent Care, it was bad!) I’m still on steroids for that, so I can blame some of my current agitation (and puffiness) on drugs.
My dad has improved enough that he can answer the phone in his hospital room all by himself. I call a couple of times a day; his wife usually is there to run any necessary interference (he still gets confused sometimes, and the pain meds he’s on tend to knock him out mid-sentence). When I called early yesterday evening, she hadn’t yet returned to the hospital. It was just him and me, and he was, frankly, talking kinda crazy. Said he was going home, he needed some rest, he wanted to take himself off all his meds and IVs and just let nature take its course.
My Husband the Shrink took over when I was just about to lose it, and we eventually called the nurse, who promised to go in and assure my father that there were other people in the 500-bed hopsital, that he wasn’t there all by himself, that he needed to stay in bed with an IV for a while longer and that his wife would be arriving soon. Which she did.
Turns out that his BUN is still elevated, which can cause confusion and crazy talk. The thing that bothered me the most, I think, is that he sounded perfectly normal while he was saying crazy things.
The post-drama found me wanting to eat and eat and eat. It’s a Good Thing I don’t keep crap in my pantry, although large portions of healthy stuff can be just as much of a problem when you’re trying to lose weight.
Bet you didn’t know that. Heh.
Anyhoo, I’m not sure when I’m going to get back on the straight and narrow. Right now just doesn’t seem like the time. I think I can do this most of the time, but if I don’t cut myself some slack, I’m going to end up in dire straights.
Or a loony bin.