Another Monday …

As I predicted, I wasn't able to hold onto the magic number. But today's official weigh-in was only a half pound more than the one I saw last week. Meaning I'm 10.5 pounds from goal, 1.6 points from a normal BMI and oh-so-close to …

maintenance.

When you read blog posts written by people who've lost a lot of weight and kept it off, you get the idea that maintaining that loss is a matter of daily diligence. For them and for me, there's no done.

I've lost a significant amount of weight before. Twice before, as a matter of fact, followed by days/months/years of gaining it all back and then some. Should I ever think I'm different or special or unique in this regard, all I need to do is read a few blogs by those who have been there/done that. They're not hard to find.

Harder to find are those who've hit the magic number and stayed there. Usually they, too, have lost and gained and lost and gained. But then, somehow, they found the set of behaviors they needed to lose and NOT gain.

That's my quest. And it's not too early to begin thinking about it. Because I FOR SURE don't want to lather, rinse, repeat this year. (Although it has been pretty fun.)

I can be my own good example by framing my weight loss in terms of continuing to do a few simple-but-not-easy things, just as I do to stay sober. I've thought about treating weight loss as I do alcoholism, but always fell into the "you don't have to drink but you DO have to eat" trap.

Yes, I do have to eat. But I don't have to eat everything. And there are some things I shouldn't eat at all. This science experiment will never be over.

On that last point … I can never be grateful enough for the guidance and example of two women (they know who they are) who encouraged me to try something new without being pushy about it. They were willing to wait for me to have my own "I could have had a V-8" moment. Gingerzingi also is part of that group, with the added bonus of pointing out that, yes, actually, we are our own science experiments and it's better to embrace that idea, rather than fight it.

I was feeling pretty hopeless in October. It's only taken three lost pounds this month to give me the motivation to keep at it, and the confidence to know I can make it.

Yes, I can.

I'd give it two thumbs up …

but my other hand is busy stuffing banana bread into my mouth!

Seriously, the bread was moist and delicious, and something I'll definitely make again. Glad I'm not allergic to coconut. And wishing I could grow them (of course)! But then I'd have to learn how to make flour and oil out of them and seriously? Some things are better left to others. Coconut processors gotta make a living, too, right?

However, I don't plan on making it often. In AA, when one of our triggers smacks us in the face (a whiff of wine, an image of a foam-covered beer stein), we call the feeling we get "euphoric recall." It's not a good thing, and chowing down on banana bread gives me a little bit of that feeling. I would love for food to be fuel, without any feelings attached to it. Does banana bread taste better than bacon and eggs? Yeah, sure. Is it as beneficial for my body? I would say probably not. And I can almost guarantee I'm going to be very hungry when lunchtime rolls around.

So Happy Mother's Day (here in the U.S.), whether your children have two legs or four. Or fins, for that matter. We're taking my husband's mother out for lunch today, to a big buffet at a nearby state park which is famous for its big buffets. The menu includes many good choices for me, and I don't anticipate having to make any tough decisions going through the line.

My first DietBet weigh-in was on a Sunday, and I've logged my progress on the game website each Sunday since. As of this morning I have half a pound to go to get my money back. Seven pounds GONE in two weeks. That. Is. The. BOMB! My non-DietBet weigh-in day is tomorrow. This morning the total was 21. I hope it stays the same for one more day. And then continues to go down, week after week, until I need to learn some maintenance techniques.

Because THAT is always the issue. If you've ever lost and gained and lost and gained and lost and gained, you know losing is possible and gaining is inevitable. Or at least I do. What I don't know is how to make it stay lost.

My guess is it has something to do with continuing to do what works. Heh. For me, that would be almost-daily intentional activity and a reasonable amount of whole, healthful food. It would also mean eliminating sugar, probably eliminating wheat and possibly eliminating legumes and dairy. The jury is out, of course, until I begin adding those items back into my meals.

But with just a half a pound to go on the bet, I don't think this is the time to experiment.

Still bummed, but …

I know it's just information,
but it's too much information! Heh.

what's the alternative, really?

And how many times have I asked myself this question?

As the young folks say, it is what it is: I have a hard time losing weight, and that's a FACT. I would love, love, love to simply eat healthfully and exercise regularly, without needing the weight-loss reward at the end of it.

At the age of 60, am I too old to change this cycle?

I just read a couple articles on shopping habits. (The Forbes condensed version is here; the NYTimes Magazine longer article is here. Not sure how long the NYTimes link will be viable.) The author began his habit research because he'd developed a mid-afternoon cookie habit that resulted in some unwanted lard. He analyzed the cue-routine-reward circuit, changed the reward part and lost 21 pounds.

So simple. Sigh.

I'm not making excuses for myself, but just stating facts. The writer is:

1. a man and
2. younger than my children.

Those two facts are in his favor as far as weight loss goes. The fact that I'm an, ahem, older woman with an older woman metabolism is not helpful! Not helpful at all.

Back to the original question: What's the alternative? I've gradually but systematically been increasing weights, sets and reps at the gym. I'm doing some kind of cardio five or six days a week. The alternative this week will be going back to Phase I for a couple weeks.

If I didn't have such a lousy family history of obesity-related health issues, I might not care about losing weight so much. But as I've said here before, I don't want to end up dying early, as my mother did, or being in pain for the last 10 years of my life, as her mother and my father were. I'm not pre-diabetic (that I know of), but my dad, an aunt, my sister and two of our cousins were or are all Type 2s. I would hate to develop diabetes after all this work and effort to avoid it.

I love that a blog can be all about me-me-me. I can't express these feelings anywhere else. My husband is as supportive as anyone can be, but his BMI is normal, and when he gains a few pounds he's able to easily get rid of them. You guys have been my cheerleaders for such a long time, and I really appreciate your suggestions and sympathy.

I just don't want you to have to start sending get well e-cards. So I'll keep doing whatever it takes to save you the trouble.

I like last week's results better

Tuesdays are weigh-in days around here. Last Tuesday I loudly and proudly announced a total loss of 10 pounds in six weeks. Today? Not so much.

After seven weeks, I've lost seven pounds. A pound a week, that's supposed to be good, right? But a three-pound gain in one week? That's not so good. And I'm really discouraged.

©Debora J. McNeer

So tired of eating eggs I took a week off.

I haven't eaten an egg all week. Eggs are a go-to breakfast for South Beach followers. I have either been skipping breakfast or eating Shredded Wheat, which is permitted on Phase II, but clearly my body is hanging on to every delicious carb-laden shred of that wheat.

So. Bummed.

No, really, I am

SO BUMMED!

In fact, I am so bummed I think I'll go scramble an egg. Grrr.

Yesterday's four to six inches of snow has been significantly reduced. It's nearly gone completely from the driveway. The emerging daffodils are planted in an area that didn't get more than a dusting. We lost several birch branches and a huge limb from one of the pines. All in all, not a bad way to kick winter to the curb.

Now it's time to kick the rest of these extra pounds after them.

Six weeks. Ten pounds.

It's been years since I could say I've lost 10 pounds in any time period, let alone six weeks. For you young whippersnappers out there who think you've got your whole lifetime to lose weight, here's a tip: Your metabolism will slow down as you age. In other words, lose it now.

Because I weigh myself daily (but only officially record it weekly), I knew I was not going to have a dramatic loss. It's good to see the trend continuing downward, however, and it's enough motivation to continue the South Beach plan. I love the irony of hitting the 10-pound mark on Valentine's Day, when chocolates are plentiful and on sale!

 Image courtesy of valentine-clipart.com

My craving for something sweet has not gone away, and I caved in yesterday. I left the gym at around 1:30 p.m., after a hard workout (I'm increasing my sets this week, I'm now up to 3 sets of 15 reps), headed for the grocery. I walked into Tiny Kroger and the first thing I saw was a display of sugar cookies – the soft kind with icing – and free samples of half cookies. Without even thinking about it, I popped one in my mouth and enjoyed every crumb. (You recovering alkies will recognize this behavior, if not from personal experience, then from reading about it.)

I'm sure not going to do that every day. The taste wasn't enough to get me to buy a dozen, as I might have in the past. I feel worse about it this morning than I did yesterday afternoon. It's one of those "get back on the horse" moments, I guess, and in the whole scheme of things, I hope I haven't done much damage.

Damn Valentine's Day anyway. Were it not for this Hallmark holiday, those cookies wouldn't even have been on display.

It's all Cupid's fault!

Oh, the weather outside is …

beautiful! In an ethereal, dreamy, foggy kind of way.

Yesterday morning we woke up to low clouds and thick frost. See?

Today it's clear and crisp with frost covering everything on the northeast side of the house, but barely coating the stuff on the southwest side. Not sure how to explain that. And it's not nearly as picture-worthy as yesterday's icy morning greeting.

Looks like we're in for some cold, cold nights, with daytime highs gradually cooling as the week wears on. High today of 53° and sunny, so an outdoor walk is on the agenda. The rest of the week we descend into winter. Finally. I hope the daffs survive.

I've now been South Beaching for four weeks. My weight stayed the same this week, but the trend since January 1 has been two weeks of losses and one week of staying the same. Jen noted recently that she experiences a similar pattern. Not that I'm Jen, but it was instructive to read that and it helped me be not quite as bummed as I would have been in the past. Jen also is using a scale that tracks body fat. I have a scale that does that, but I'm not using it. Maybe it's time. (My body fat percentage was so scary-high I put the scale away and haven't looked at it in more than a year. Seriously!)

My old thinking would have had me jumping off the wagon at this point. I've been really good about this plan that promises big losses the first two weeks and a steady two-pounds-a-week after that. I can stay the same weight eating all kinds of crap. I maintained the same [too-high] weight for several months last year, eating pretty much whatever I wanted.

Rather than ditch it, I plan to stick with South Beach. Nothing about eating protein and vegetables is going to hurt me, and avoiding sugar and refined flour has already helped. I feel much better emotionally.

There's also the gym factor. I've been faithfully showing up there thrice-weekly for two weeks, spending at least half an hour on full-body weight-training and another 45 minutes watching Glee on the treadmill. I am a sweaty mess when I get done. On the days I'm not in the gym I try to walk outside or do the elliptical here at home, although I have missed either three or four days of intentional activity.

The interesting thing about skipping a day is that in the old days I could easily justify skipping another and another and then just falling back into the not-working-out habit. Now I just tell myself that because of circumstances, I need to take a day off. ONE day. Not a week.

Consistent healthful eating plus consistent workouts will theoretically yield results. There's a poster on Pinterest (naturally I can't find it now, sigh) that says (regarding weight loss) it takes 4 weeks for you to notice, 8 weeks for friends and family and 12 weeks for everyone else.

I guess I've still got time. Heh.

I promised you pictures …

and I deliver! I swear it took as long to edit these pictures as it did to clean the closet. Heh.

On the left, the before view of a very messy closet that gets all kinds of stuff
dumped in it. When I don't know where to store something, I put it in the hall
closet. On the right, everything's tidy. And I've already moved some things
around since I took the after photo. Can't. Leave. Well. Enough. Alone. Heh.

The tippy top shelf didn't have much on it, because I'm
too short to reach it. So I didn't take pictures of it. This is
the third shelf, the before view is above the after one.
Those boxes stacked on the left are empty, do any of you
have trouble throwing away perfectly good empty boxes?

Second shelf, the in-your-face-when-you-open-the-door
one. Yes, I have foot mannequins, I'm a sock designer!
(Although I haven't created a new design in, hmmm,
how long? TOO LONG TO REMEMBER!)

Lowest shelf, and the most important one. All the
instruction books for all the appliances, heat pump, etc.,
plus office supplies, bank statements.
Above: Chaos!
Below: Order!

The floor. In the before view (above) I sometimes had to
wiggle things around to get the door closed.
Not a problem now.

On the left, things to donate (not much, unfortunately).
On the right, the trash. I'm a little embarrassed to show you how many
paper towel rolls I had stashed away for some kind of craft project!

I feel NO NEED to buy fancy canvas containers to make the inside of a closet look good. Priority Mail boxes and other shipping containers are free. Those, a box cutter and packing tape are all I needed for storage solutions.

It took a good three hours to finish this job, which really isn't much considering the amount of crap I had stuffed in there. To reward myself at the end of it, I worked out. At my new gym!

Time for a progress report. I've been feeling really, really down this week, because I check my weight daily and I haven't seen any losses. Yesterday was the end of the two-week South Beach Phase 1 regimen, and I'd hoped to see some results. Until this morning, I felt unrewarded for all my hard work. (I can honestly say I've followed the plan pretty well. No sugar, no grains, if I've gotten off track at all it's in not eating enough vegetables with each meal.)

Today's weigh-in showed a two-pound loss. I was so surprised! How does that happen, to go all week long staying the same and then suddenly drop two overnight. I guess if I knew the answer to that I'd already have written a book, right?

I think I reported incorrectly last week that I'd lost six pounds since the first of the year, when it was really five. Now it's seven since January 1 and five since January 10, when I started South Beach.

Looks like it's working. No reason to stop now, especially when I've added the element of regular weight-training to the plan.

I didn't join the gym for cardio, I'm happy to walk on my mountain for that. I joined for the Nautilus and Cybex machines and, eventually, the free weights. My previous (albeit 20 years ago) experience is that muscle-building = weight loss. That's also what science says, at least current science. So we'll see. I'm my own guinea pig!

How's that working for you?

I don't watch Dr. Phil (is he even on television any more?), but I used to catch the program occasionally, and it didn't take long to figure out that his five most important words were these:

How's that working for you?

This week I have:

• Downed more than 7 gallons of water. A gallon a day is my minimum and I've been managing it really well. I find room-temperature water goes down more easily than cold, so I keep the pitcher on the counter or just drink tap water. I start early in the morning and, in fact, have a tall glass (16 oz.) before I have my first cup of coffee. Drinking so much water so early in the day was, um, problematic earlier in the week, because I also like to walk early in the day. You figure it out. Heh. But my system has adapted already. So. Water? Check.

• Eaten 19 healthful, home-cooked meals – 5 breakfasts, 2 brunches, 5 lunches, 7 dinners – and one snack. There were a couple days where breakfast turned into brunch, and on one of those days I really needed to eat something mid-afternoon. The difference between eating that snack and eating all the previous snacks in the past few months is that this one was in response to physical hunger (as well as lightheadedness). I've experienced hunger more in the past week than I have in a year, maybe even years. And it's okay to be hungry. I didn't die because I didn't get to eat right now. The sensation of hunger goes away if you don't eat, especially if you're busy doing something else. So. Meals? I'll say check. 

• Done an upper- or lower-body weight-training session every day. Because these sessions are relatively easy (tricep dips using my own bodyweight are the most difficult), I haven't felt it necessary to take a day off. I also have been doing them daily to reinforce the routine and turn it into a habit. If I were lifting heavy, I would probably skip a day in between. But if I were skipping a day in between, I would talk myself into skipping two days or three, and then I wouldn't be lifting anything. Because that's how I roll with the weight training. So. Weight-training? Check.

• Walked 30 miles in nine hours and 36 minutes. Approximately. There was never a day when I didn't want to go for a walk. We're having some lovely weather – the leaves are bright and beautiful, the temperatures have been in the low 70s, some days there's been a light breeze but no heavy winds at all – which makes it easy to get out the door on a daily basis. I did four miles five days and five miles two days and enjoyed every step I took. Seriously. Walking? Check.

I wish I could say that all I wanted to do was accomplish those four things. But I really wanted those four things to result in a pound or – dare I wish for it? – two of weight loss. Alas, I weigh, this morning, precisely what I weighed a week ago, and that was a very scary number. To say I'm disappointed is a HUGE understatement.

HUGE

I didn't write down what I ate every meal, but I've been tracking meals more than half my life. At this stage, I eat more healthfully and more nutritiously and more reasonably than I ever have. I didn't (and don't) think it necessary to record it in a program or write it in a journal. 

However, I could certainly be wrong about that. It appears that I'm going to have to count some effing calories in order to make the kind of progress that shows up on a bathroom scale. I have the tools to do that, it doesn't take much extra effort and it will give me more information to work with.

It's all about the information. And the exercise. And the water. And the metabolism. And the motivation. Oh, hell, it's all about everything.

Moving on.

Knitting: I know you're dying to know how Jujuba is coming along. You're not here just for my weight-loss progress reports, are you? Football weekends mean lots o' knitting time. I have two more rows to go for the first half to be done. I'm putting the live stitches on a spare needle, in case I have to go back and add a couple more rows. I won't really know if it will span the circumference of my body until I'm ready to assemble it.

The way things are going, I might need to add more rows by then.

SIGH