Today is the 181st day of the year. After today's five-miler, I will have walked 657 miles since January. If I were to continue walking five miles daily for the remainder of the year, I could still reach my 1500-mile goal.
You know what, though? I'm declaring, TODAY, the pressure's off.
Which doesn't mean I'm giving up the effort, but does mean I feel pretty good about where I am and I'm done working so damned hard at it.
I've registered for a 5K the end of next month. I did it last year and it was fun and I surprised myself and that's the feeling I want to have – being satisfied with an accomplishment, rather than every damned day thinking I've come up short.
I've spot-checked my weight a couple times this week and it's either holding steady or going down. If I don't obsess about it, I do better. Relieving myself of the obsession to step on the scale daily has been hard, but my head is in a much better place when I don't start the day looking at THAT number.
So. Will 1500 miles happen? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter. If I don't walk another mile for the year, I've still averaged more than most sedentary people do. Even the New York Times found that most Americans log about 5000 steps per day – just slightly more than my current average if I sit the rest of 2014 out.
The pressure's off. Really. I need to be okay with who I am now. I need to keep walking because it's good for my heart and my head, more than for my weight. I need to run because I love running, not because it's a way to get skinny fast.
And I need to cut myself some slack. As Robert Browning said,
"Better have failed in the high aim, as I,
Than vulgarly in the low aim succeed …"