A new accessory

You can't always get what you want.

But if you try sometimes you just might find

You get what you need.

~ The Rolling Stones

Did you notice the new little doodad I put on the blog this morning? You're forgiven if you didn't, as it doesn't look much different from what used to be there. And it certainly doesn't mean as much to you as it does to me.

Unless you're my children. Or my husband. Or anyone who must have anything to do with me in person, face-to-face, on a regular basis.

In the little box labeled ODAT, the image has a 23 on it. Yesterday it had a 22. Which means I've had another birthday, of sorts.

Another year, One Day At a Time, for a total of 23 years of not taking a drink. Today marks 8401 days of living life alcohol-free. I've gone through a divorce, changed jobs, bought and sold property, and gone to weddings (including my own!), funerals, celebrations and the grocery store without getting drunk.

And that, my friends, is a miracle.

I wrote a little bit of my story here, in case you're interested.

If life hadn't continually gotten better, year after year, believe me I'd have crawled back into a bottle by now. But it has.

Of course there are ups and downs. No life is perfect. The miracle is that through working a few simple (but not easy) steps, doing the next right thing, working with someone who has done this before, helping others who are willing to be helped and being oh-so-grateful every damned day, the ups and downs are manageable without my needing to alter my reality.

As long as I continued to drink, I had no choice about stopping. And I really did need to drink, because real life was too real. I don't know why my perception of my life was so raw and jagged and painful.

And I don't even care.

Today I'm living the best life I know how to live, and (as my late sponsor reminded me nearly daily) I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

If you think you have a problem with alcohol, I urge you to call Alcoholics Anonymous sooner rather than later. You'll find people from all walks of life who know you better than you know yourself. They will be patient and tolerant in a way no one else has been or will be for you. They will challenge you and cheer for you and help you help yourself. You will learn responsibility and service. And humility.

And if you live with someone who has a problem with alcohol, please find an Al-Anon meeting. The entire world would be a better place to live if we all went to Al-Anon.

8,036. Or 22.

Take your pick.

Today marks 22 years – 8,036 days – since I've found it necessary to take a drink or a drug, and for that I am truly grateful.

If you're curious about how I went to hell and back, you can read a bit of my story here. If you're curious about how I've managed to stay sane and sober for 22 years, well, that boils down to three things, really.

• Alcoholics Anonymous
• God as I understand god
• An attitude of gratitude

I credit my late sponsor for that third key. She was the most grateful person I've ever met, and she has passed that quality along to all of her girls. I'm not perfect. I get angry and frustrated, mostly with myself, but still, too often, with others. Eventually, though, I find a space and place of gratitude.

1. Grateful it wasn't worse.
2. Grateful it's taken care of.
3. Grateful for what I've learned.

If you had told me then that 22 years later I'd find myself living happily ever after in the Middle of Nowhere without alcohol I'd have told you to go screw yourself. Except I wasn't much of a lady then and I would have dropped the f-bomb. I needed alcohol like I needed air.

One day at a time, month after month, week after week, year after year, sobriety has continually offered me a better way to live. I pray it continues to do so.

Thanks for reading.

If you think you have a problem with alcohol, I urge you to call Alcoholics Anonymous sooner rather than later. You'll find people from all walks of life who know you better than you know yourself. They will be patient and tolerant in a way no one else has been or will be for you. They will challenge you and cheer for you and help you help yourself. You will learn responsibility and service. And humility.

And if you live with someone who has a problem with alcohol, please find an Al-Anon meeting. The entire world would be a better place to live if we all went to Al-Anon.

Twenty-one

When I was growing up, you had to be 21 to buy liquor. Turning 21 was a Big Deal, although certainly I'd consumed alcohol – beer, wine and the hard stuff – long before I reached the magic age of 21.

Today I'm turning 21 again. It's been that number of years since I had my last drink of alcohol. In this month of gratitude, my sobriety is what I'm most thankful for, and I pray it will always be so. You can read my story here.

I learned quickly in Alcoholics Anonymous that to ensure success I needed to find a sponsor, someone to guide me through the 12 steps, to challenge me when I needed to be challenged and to share her experience, strength and hope with me. I had two sponsors very early on before I met Carolyn, who was to be my guide, friend, mentor and sponsor for the next 18 years.

She was sober 35 years when she died almost six months ago. She frequently said she wanted to end her life as a sober woman, and she did that. She also passed from this world leaving a permanent mark of dignity, humor and serenity on those who miss her still, every single day.

I'd like to dedicate my 21st AA birthday to Carolyn.

If you happen to have a problem with alcohol, or even if you just think you might, it's worth your while to visit an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Visit this web page to find local resources. You'll find understanding, empathy, peace and, most of all, hope in the rooms of AA.

I did. And for that I'm truly grateful.