The two hardest things

Lest you think I'm perfect, with two weeks of walking and eating well and working out under my belt, I'm here this morning to talk about two of the other goals from my year-end list. One has been met (so far), while one remains woefully unmet.

Drinking water has not been one of my healthy new lifestyle successes. My husband pointed out (rightly or wrongly) that simply drinking lots of water isn't going to create weight loss. I pointed out that, ahem, WEIGHT LOSS IS NOT THE GOAL. Hydrating one's system has a multitude of benefits, including improving skin texture, reducing fluid retention and supporting digestive health.

When I'm thirsty, I drink water. But I'm not often thirsty, and I don't know what's up with that. My regular fluid consumption is water, but it's been heated and passed through some delicious freshly ground hazelnut coffee beans. I average two to three large mugs of coffee every morning. (On Treat Day Mondays I add sugar-free, chemical-laden liquid creamer to it.)

HOWEVER, according to this source, my morning beverage does count toward the daily fluid goal. Good to know, especially for someone like me who has a line item in the budget for coffee beans.

The other habit I wanted to break – and so far, so good – is weighing myself. I've written previously that the number I see on the scale can make or break me emotionally for that hour day. I weighed myself on Christmas Day (which is why I began my plan THE VERY NEXT DAY) and promised myself that a once-monthly check-in would be sufficient.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR JANUARY 25! (But it's not about weight loss, it's not about weight loss, it's not about weight loss.)

I'm so tempted, y'all. If I were single I'd put the scale away, but my husband uses it hourly daily, and I really do need to have a modicum of self-discipline about this issue. I'm probably losing some weight, in that my wedding ring is once again slipping around on my finger (I love when it does that). It's too soon to try on jeans, and WHY WOULD I when I have perfectly good yoga pants that are much more comfortable to wear? Heh.

Also, if they don't fit it would set me back just like seeing the wrong number on the scale. So we just won't go there. Good physical health is half of the goal.

Good mental health is the rest.

How's that working for you?

I don't watch Dr. Phil (is he even on television any more?), but I used to catch the program occasionally, and it didn't take long to figure out that his five most important words were these:

How's that working for you?

This week I have:

• Downed more than 7 gallons of water. A gallon a day is my minimum and I've been managing it really well. I find room-temperature water goes down more easily than cold, so I keep the pitcher on the counter or just drink tap water. I start early in the morning and, in fact, have a tall glass (16 oz.) before I have my first cup of coffee. Drinking so much water so early in the day was, um, problematic earlier in the week, because I also like to walk early in the day. You figure it out. Heh. But my system has adapted already. So. Water? Check.

• Eaten 19 healthful, home-cooked meals – 5 breakfasts, 2 brunches, 5 lunches, 7 dinners – and one snack. There were a couple days where breakfast turned into brunch, and on one of those days I really needed to eat something mid-afternoon. The difference between eating that snack and eating all the previous snacks in the past few months is that this one was in response to physical hunger (as well as lightheadedness). I've experienced hunger more in the past week than I have in a year, maybe even years. And it's okay to be hungry. I didn't die because I didn't get to eat right now. The sensation of hunger goes away if you don't eat, especially if you're busy doing something else. So. Meals? I'll say check. 

• Done an upper- or lower-body weight-training session every day. Because these sessions are relatively easy (tricep dips using my own bodyweight are the most difficult), I haven't felt it necessary to take a day off. I also have been doing them daily to reinforce the routine and turn it into a habit. If I were lifting heavy, I would probably skip a day in between. But if I were skipping a day in between, I would talk myself into skipping two days or three, and then I wouldn't be lifting anything. Because that's how I roll with the weight training. So. Weight-training? Check.

• Walked 30 miles in nine hours and 36 minutes. Approximately. There was never a day when I didn't want to go for a walk. We're having some lovely weather – the leaves are bright and beautiful, the temperatures have been in the low 70s, some days there's been a light breeze but no heavy winds at all – which makes it easy to get out the door on a daily basis. I did four miles five days and five miles two days and enjoyed every step I took. Seriously. Walking? Check.

I wish I could say that all I wanted to do was accomplish those four things. But I really wanted those four things to result in a pound or – dare I wish for it? – two of weight loss. Alas, I weigh, this morning, precisely what I weighed a week ago, and that was a very scary number. To say I'm disappointed is a HUGE understatement.

HUGE

I didn't write down what I ate every meal, but I've been tracking meals more than half my life. At this stage, I eat more healthfully and more nutritiously and more reasonably than I ever have. I didn't (and don't) think it necessary to record it in a program or write it in a journal. 

However, I could certainly be wrong about that. It appears that I'm going to have to count some effing calories in order to make the kind of progress that shows up on a bathroom scale. I have the tools to do that, it doesn't take much extra effort and it will give me more information to work with.

It's all about the information. And the exercise. And the water. And the metabolism. And the motivation. Oh, hell, it's all about everything.

Moving on.

Knitting: I know you're dying to know how Jujuba is coming along. You're not here just for my weight-loss progress reports, are you? Football weekends mean lots o' knitting time. I have two more rows to go for the first half to be done. I'm putting the live stitches on a spare needle, in case I have to go back and add a couple more rows. I won't really know if it will span the circumference of my body until I'm ready to assemble it.

The way things are going, I might need to add more rows by then.

SIGH

True confessions ...

Wow, my true-confessions post last Friday sure elicited a lot of comments. (We bloggers love comments, so thank you, thank you, thank you!)

I love that I'm not alone. I know I'm not alone, I've been reading blogs long enough to know that lots of us have food issues. But it's nice to hear what trips you up, too, and it's wonderful to not feel judged.

Of the four actions I listed – continue the almost-daily walking, drink more water, stop snacking, lift weights – you can probably guess the one I haven't started doing yet. Not only am I too lazy to lift a dumbbell, I'm too lazy to go outside to the garage and up the stairs to fetch the dumbbells and put them in the house, where they'll be in sight and available.

This weight-training mental block is bigger than my pants size. The last time I lost a significant amount of lard, dumbbells and barbells and push-ups helped me break through a plateau. It was dramatic, and very noticeable.

If I know it makes a positive difference, what is stopping me from trying it? Mostly I think it's that the other things I know that should, potentially, make a difference – chiefly eating less and moving more – haven't helped, so why would I do something I really don't much care for when it probably won't work anyway?

How. Lame. Is. That?

I love that, for the most part, you shared your experience with me without offering suggestions. Empathy is so affirming and, for me anyway, makes me want to do better. I want to report to you in January that no summer sausage made it into the house or down my gullet for the remainder of the college football season. I want to please you, kind of like the way a puppy wants to please its human.

Something that has crossed my mind many times, usually after I've eaten something that sabotages my efforts, is this: Never trade what you want most for what you want at this moment. I'm not sure if what I want most is to see my dad again, and thus I continue to snack my life away, or if I want his example to help me lose this weight for the last time (is that even possible?) so I can truly enjoy what's left.

I'm 60. Barring a horrific accident or catastrophic illness, I could live long enough to see my great-grandchildren. Do I want to meet them from a wheelchair, too infirm to walk, or do I want to walk with them – up and down stairs, around the block, into their schools?

No one lives forever, but I'd really like the last quarter or third of my life to be as comfortable and meaningful as possible. Keeping that thought first has been challenging. What I want now is the easier, softer way, but nothing of value comes easily. I've been focusing on my dad and his health problems as a way to stay on the right path, but I need to think more positively about the next 20 or 30 years. I need to shift the conversation in my head from what he couldn't do to what I want to continue to do.

Anne offered to do the water challenge with me. I did great over the weekend, downing six to eight glasses each day. I walked five miles Friday, three Saturday, and took a rest day yesterday. Having guests here for the weekend helped limit the snacking, but I can still do better there.

And now is as good a time as any to go get the dumbbells.

If you're still reading this novella, thank you for sticking with me. I use the blog to puzzle things out, and today has been especially productive. That you came with me is, um, icing on the cake. Heh.