Just breathe

I woke up super-early this morning and have been going through scores upon scores of e-mails which have piled up in the last couple of weeks. Entertaining, traveling and gardening have eaten into my computer time. Heh.

I was intrigued enough by one of Real Simple's lists to click through to their "Six Diet Trends You Should Never Try." I wanted to make sure I hadn't missed something, since I've tried everything.

I was surprised to find the raw-food plan topping their list. What could be wrong with eating real food straight from Mother Nature's package? Turns out not much is wrong with it at all, nutritionally, but if you're purchasing your raw meals from Whole Foods, then it's expensive. Not much of a reason, if you ask me, since I live in one of a handful of states that doesn't even have a Whole Foods. The writer is correct in that heating food doesn't affect caloric content, so I'm going to disagree with this one: If you don't feel like cooking, eat raw food. Personally, I like to cook and would have a hard time not having soup once in a while. Or pie.

The usual suspects are on RS's list: master cleanse and hCG and single-foods (i.e., cabbage soup), oh my. They mentioned ear-stapling as a new fad, one that has no scientific leg to stand on and could cause infection and deformed ears, but I think it's been around the block a time or two. I could be wrong about that.

The one plan I'd never heard of (and, if you know me at all you know I won't be adding it to my weight-loss arsenal [I said 'arse!']) is the Breatharian Diet. Also called Inedia, followers claim to not need food or water to survive. They live on air and sunshine. And glitter. And unicorns.

Just kidding about the glitter and unicorns.

Inedia is more than just fasting. Fasting I understand. I've done it, and if you've ever had a colonoscopy you've done it, too. I've fasted because of toothaches, the flu, and even because I thought it might help me lose a pound or six in time for a high-school reunion.

Fasting for me has always been short-term and definitely not associated with permanent weight loss. The Breatharians might have found a way to make it work. Too bad they won't be around long to enjoy their new thin bodies.

Have you ever heard of this? Is my isolated life keeping me away from new lard-busting opportunities? Do any of you – gulp – live on air and sunshine? How about glitter?