Mass delete

And I'm not talking about Massachusetts' Mitt Romney, although I probably could be.

I don't check my e-mail much when I travel, so by this morning there were 600+ messages in my inbox. I searched for "Black Friday" and "Cyber Monday" and reduced the clutter to slightly more than 400.

Wish I could clean my kitchen that quickly!

Okay, so here's what I think about some of the waxing and waning GOP candidates. Disclaimer: This analysis is incomplete and definitely not in-depth. I haven't studied and my news sources lean to the left.

So Mitt. Certainly looks presidential, in a wooden Al Gore or John Kerry kind of way, but like all the rest of them it appears he'll say what he thinks you want to hear. The DNC has produced commercials highlighting some of his more egregious flip-flops, including lauding President Obama for incorporating some of the Romney health-care ideas into the abomination known as the Affordable Healthcare Act, and then promising to abolish "Obamacare" once he settles into the White House. I do not think Mitt has the best interests of the country at heart, just as I don't think he had the best interests of his Massachusetts constituents at heart when he mandated health insurance there.

(Aside: I abhor the term "Obamacare." Aside 2: If you're new here, I support single-payer health care. You know, the kind the rest of the industrialized world enjoys. Oh, and our own veterans. Our government would rather spend its our children's and grandchildren's money on war than the health of its citizens, apparently.)

Gingrich: C'mon. I've been married four times and you don't hop from marriage to marriage without a little dallying on the side. Seriously, I know whereof I speak. (I hope my grandchildren never find my blog.) Will the party of "family values" seriously consider someone as their candidate who they have previously censored and run out of town? Serial husband Newt (Newt? Seriously? President Newt?), however, might be the GOP's Slick Willy.

(I feel fairly certain that just about every Presidential candidate and every President, with the exception of Truman, Carter and the current officeholder, has enjoyed the company of someone other than his wife. I just find Gingrich's hypocrisy in this matter a bit much.)

Texas's Governor Perry appears to be Bush Lite. And it appears that he enjoys a Busch Lite or six to loosen up before he goes on camera. I think that's all I need to say about that.

In my recent travels, I've already, nearly a year away from the 2012 election, seen more Ron Paul signs than any others. They're not left over from the last election, either. This is worrisome to me, as I think Paul would strip away most of the safeguards government currently provides. The Libertarian philosophy is admirable in many ways – what I do is my business, as long as I don't hurt you – and I even agree with some of the planks in their platform (the war on drugs is patently unwinnable and extremely expensive). But he's too extreme, even for extreme conservatives. You know, the ones who were shouting, "Keep your hands off my Medicare!" at the health-care debates. And not everyone can mind their own business.

Cain appears to be out of the running, after yesterday's BREAKING NEWS of a 13-year, off-and-on alleged affair with an Atlanta businesswoman. I also have to wonder, and forgive me if this comes out awkwardly, who my racist white neighbors would vote for if the race were between President Obama and Herman Cain? I've been called a "n*****-lover" because I have an Obama bumper sticker. I try to remind them that his mother looked like theirs.

Finally there's Michelle Bachmann. I don't think you need to be a psychiatrist to call her CRA-ZEE. And you don't need to be a teacher to recognize her lack of basic knowledge. And you don't have to be a life coach to cringe when she shares her lack of basic knowledge in a crazy way in public. She doesn't have a clue. Or a chance.

So there you have it: The Knit. Run. Reap. Eat. rundown of the GOP primary race. As it stands now, anyway. Too bad Tim Pawlenty has officially withdrawn. He has warm, charming, smart and looked good on camera. If our elections weren't rigged to be purchased by the highest contributor, he might still be a viable candidate.

Not that I'd vote for him.