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I know I said it wasn't going to be about the struggle

Several days ago I wrote a sort of manifesto for my one thousandth post, some blather about moving on, escaping from the prison of food, I'm more than my weight, blah, blah, blah. I've been doing pretty well not bringing up the subject one way or the other.

But I gotta tell you, it's hard to not focus on something that gets in your way every. damned. day.

And it's especially hard when, now that I'm much more active than I've been all winter, the number on the scale is creeping upward.

I would have expected the opposite. Wouldn't you?

I recently ordered a couple nice pairs of capris in a size smaller than I wore last summer. Last summer's capris are very baggy and I'm constantly fussing with them. The new ones came, I tried them on, they were a little snug. But I thought to myself that it wouldn't take long before I'd be able to wear them comfortably. At the rate I'm going, it's going to take, um, forever.

So I'm discouraged this morning, and sad, because I don't want to think about my weight all the damned time, but my weight is holding me back from doing things – normal things, little things, things most people take for granted. Things like getting out of bed, which was very difficult to do this morning.

Not a good way to start a rainy weekend. Sorry for the backsliding attitude, but it's my blog and I'll cry/whine/bitch if I want to. (Plus, it's Saturday and not as many people will see it as if it were a weekday.)

Comments

AlisonH said…
Muscle weighs more than fat but takes up less space. Keep up the good workout!
E. Jane said…
I'm glad I saw it, Debbi, and it's okay to speak the truth about your feelings sometimes. We'are all entitled. And--it is hard--no doubt! You spoke for many of us today--but there will be better days ahead for all of us, so take heart, and this too will pass!
The Merry said…
Venting is healthy! And I sure can relate.
denise said…
Doubt any of us reading this hasn't felt the same way - more than once. Besides, it's your blog, so you are entitled to post whatever you want to!

I can totally relate to the capris thing. All the jeans I was wearing for the last 6 or so months had gotten nice and loose and baggy. I ordered the exact same jeans in the next size down - too small - WAY too small.

I guess in the end it wasn't that I had gotten smaller so much as the jeans had stretched out from months of wear and washings...sigh

Anyway, a down day now and then is something we're all entitled to - including you. This too shall pass, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with when it's happening.
Diandra said…
I know that feeling. Last summer I thought I would be done by now. Haven't lost a single pound that stayed off since then. (I lost more than I would need to be at goal, but they kept coming back.)

This morning, however, I read an interesting sentence: If you woke up and the world had changed in a way that no one would be able to change their appearance ever again - no plastic surgery, no weight loss, no nothing - how would you go about the rest of your life?

We should not let that bit of weight hold us back. Life is something to be enjoyed along the way, not only once we "get there".
gingerzingi said…
Ha ha! You've got your very own pair of Measurement Pants. Burn them. Burn them NOW.

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Well. Well, well, well. Should this morning's scale number be divided between two weeks, or did all of it happen this past week? It's an easy number to divide, and I've been consistent for two weeks, so it should probably be split, doncha think?

That means I lost three pounds for each of the last two weeks. SIX pounds total. Excuse me, I mean
SIX!!!!!! I'm going to do everything I can to stay on track while I'm gone this week. There's little more I can promise. I'm really motivated to keep it up. The dumbbells are packed (and my luggage weighs a ton!), I'm taking a thermos of water in the car and I know where are the rest stops are between here and Nashville. I think I'll walk a bit at each of them, then walk again when I arrive at my destination. Hope to get a total of 80 minutes done by the end of the day. SIX!!!!!!