Two

With surgery scheduled for two weeks from today, I'm beginning to get a little nervous.

I try to remind myself that this is routine, and not life-threatening, and I really need to get out of myself and quit focusing on it, but I wouldn't deny you your thoughts or feelings about anything regarding your health (or anything at all, really). So why would I deny me?

Well, I try to deny it because I don't think dwelling in despair is a good thing for my mental health.

But I gotta tell you … the idea of someone slicing and dicing me is not something I'm looking forward to. Being able to walk without pain and to bend over (wow, is not being able to a huge issue at times!)? Now that's something to look forward to!

And that's where I've been the last several weeks: Looking at the end game. The past couple days, however, I've been looking at the procedure itself.

I've read and heard that patients wake up from surgery simply amazed that the hip pain is gone. There's no describing this kind of bone-on-bone pain, really. And the sound it makes is almost nausea-inducing.

So post-surgical pain is limited to the incision itself, and that will be something new and wonderful to deal with. Heh. I've informed my surgeon I'm a recovering alcoholic and would prefer not to take narcotics. But I'm certainly open to it if it's necessary.

When I start feeling down about all of this, I try to remember that I have friends dealing with cancer and lung problems and depression and all kinds of health issues that are much more difficult to conquer. I feel better today than I did yesterday – yesterday was, for some reason, very rough on my emotions.

Soon it will all be over. Soon I'll have no excuse for unmopped floors and unswept porches. Soon I'll be able to walk, either outside or on the treadmill, pain-free.

Two weeks to go.