Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Four in a row!

I promise I won't count down my daily walks indefinitely, but it's very helpful to me to do so early in the game. Consistency may be the hobgoblin (I said 'hobgoblin!' And it's almost Halloween!) of little minds, but it also is the best (perhaps only) way to create change in one's life. And believe me, changing from working in a garden to sitting on my ass is not the way to change one's body.

I don't think it's an even trade, this walking thing. The garden work was labor-intensive and took much more time. Maybe the month or so of rest I took as the garden work was dwindling was a good thing. I'm always looking for ways to trick my body into releasing lard. Maybe it won't remember the digging and planting and hoeing and weeding, and we'll just start from the sitting-on-my-ass part.

September was supposed to be very different from the way it turned out. The ass-sitting came as a result of my dad's sudden death. It turned out to be more than just sitting. It was napping and eating and actually being pretty much a zombie, and it's really not over. I'm told by family and friends on the one hand that it 'takes time,' and on the other to 'move on with your life.'

I guess I'm not quite there yet. I'm still in the taking time part, but I'm beginning to wonder how much time it's going to take. One of my friends says it doesn't get better, it gets different. So, so true.

Anyway.

Yes, it's fuzzy and crooked and I should have edited it. So, sue me. Heh.
I've been taking my Blackberry with me when I walk, and posting a picture on Facebook as I'm trudging along. Yesterday started out grey and dreary and I just wanted to get it over with. At the 1.5-mile mark, I wondered if it was going to rain before I got home. Then a half mile from the house, the sun broke out. It lasted only a few minutes, and must have been responsible for pushing our high temperature above the 50-degree mark. And it was glorious. I felt very happy for those few minutes, in a way I haven't felt in quite some time. I wish it could have lasted a little longer, but decided I should probably be grateful for the moment.

The weather here will be improving later this week, just in time for me to leave the state. I'm heading to the land of perpetually nice weather (Florida, unless they're having hurricanes), for the second memorial service. I hope when that's over I can really begin to get out of this dark place and be glad my dad is in a better one.

2 comments:

  1. After my father died I experienced a period of laying in bed in the evenings reading (and eating popcorn or other stuff) and now I am walking and hiking. It took some time to feel like doing things again and to feel like "myself" again. The walking is helping. I was going to take a night off but after reading your post, I am going to go out. The dog appreciates, it too. Thanks for posting, and so sorry about the loss of your father. I know how it feels.

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  2. "It takes time" and "move forward" are just things people say because they don't really know what to say. I think it just is what it is...feeling how you feel in the moment. How you think about your dad will probably change from day to day, with more or less twinges of memory and hurt depending on the day. It's not so much about moving forward. Maybe it's more about acknowledging how you feel right now, and realizing things will change, because things always change. The walks are a good thing :)

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