Saturday, December 31, 2011

Don't let the door hit you in the ass …

So long, 2011, it's been – all in all – a pretty crappy year, one which actually began in September of 2010 when I lost my dad.

You've continued down that path of loss and worry and crisis, 2011, and I'm glad to see you go. I love fresh starts, and flipping the calendar over to a new year is Fresh Start X-treme.

To put this year in perspective, the best thing that happened is my husband's neck tumor was benign. We spent three weeks last spring in malignant limbo, getting things in order, fattening him up for chemo, preparing for the worst, which was what the initial diagnosis indicated we should be doing. One more test showed us – and his incredulous doctor – the precious diagnosis: benign. Snip-snip and the tumor was gone.

Actually the very best thing, as a result of the scare, is that my husband once-and-for-all, a-day-at-a-time, quit smoking. And with all the electronic calendars at my fingertips, I failed to record The Date, but we know it was sometime in March. So, YAY for him! He could've had a baby by now!

In 2011 I lost a close friendship, the ending of which still baffles me. I saved the e-mail exchange upon which it ended and look at it every now and then. The very next week began the trips to doctors and hospitals with my husband, so I didn't have

  • much emotional support during that issue or
  • much time to worry it.

Also in 2011, my AA sponsor lost her battle with cancer just as her beloved garden began to bloom. And there's been some family drama I can't really write about. And I've gained 13 pounds since last January.  At one point this year I hit my highest weight ever, a very scary number indeed. (I'm back down from it, but just barely.)

Whatever is going on in my life, the underlying theme is always and forever my weight. I have for years been working on it. Many of you have been working on it with me, since the early days of The Shrinking Knitter.

A year ago today my goals were to

  • eat from the newly introduced U.S. Food Pyramid
  • do a minimum of 60 minutes of intentional activity every day
  • strength-train twice a week 
  • run a marathon before the end of the year and
  • take a picture with my good camera every day.

Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. Well, unless I run a marathon today. Heh.

But notice how I've evolved! I don't set weight-loss goals, I set action goals, goals which will get me where I want to go (which is, of course, weighing less) but that don't set me up for failure by specifying a number or by being too vague.

But I failed anyway.

Therefore, the only way to go is up. RIGHT??? Please tell me I'm right, because if 2012 turns out to be anything like 2011 I'm not sure how I would handle it.

No goals this year. No resolutions. No setting myself up for failure. All I really want to do is to stay motivated to keep on keepin' on, and to dig myself out of this negative, crappy mood. (My husband would be so grateful.)

Today I will take a walk, watch more football, knit more clogs, clean my house, cook a good dinner, shell the dried black-eyed peas I harvested last fall, sit near my lemon tree and breathe the heady fragrance that fills the living room and promises fruit, and a future. And lemonade. Mmmmm, lemonade.

Tomorrow I will make Hoppin' John from those black-eyed peas, and I will knit and take a walk and, as Frasier always said, "Enjoy my day." That's one more thing no one else can do for me.

So, 2011, I for one am not at all sorry to see you go. I will look back on you with relief that you're gone, and I won't miss you at all. See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya.


ws said...

I think the two members of this South Florida household have similar feelings on 2011. I thought of you when I saw black-eyed peas at Publix yesterday.

Anne M. said...

I don't see you as a 2011 failure at all. Life happens and we deal with it as it comes, and you got through a lot of tough stuff since Sept. 2010. You learned in the process what doesn't get you where you want to go, and that will help you move forward.

Having action goals instead of weight loss goals is a good idea. Try not to set up too many of them, though, because it's easier to focus on the ones that matter the most.

Mr.Knit quit smoking on 3/22/11 according to your blog, when you wrote that he'd been a non-smoker for 4 hours. Congrats to him! and to you, too, my dear.

Have a happy and stress-less new year!

Debbi said...

ANNE! Thank you so much for checking that date ... I should have thought of searching for it, duh. And thanks for your encouraging words!

WENDY! Here's to a brighter and better 2012. You were born to run, I hope you get back to it.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog since the days of The Shrinking Knitter, and I've enjoyed reading this year's blog as well, you always have something interesting to say(write), so thank you very much. I'm also quite happy to see the back of 2011. Happy 2012.

Anna said...

I'm sorry it's been such a tough year! But what would be a better sign of a wonderful 2012 than lemon blooms?!

mauishopgirl said...

I've had a sucky year too and I say bring it 2012...

I'm sorry you lost your sponsor and that your man had to go thru health issues. Hugs to you...

I always struggle with my weight too btw, up, down, up, down. I've gone thru so much clothes shopping and giving away things that don't fit over the years (I'm a bit obsessive about a "clean closet), I probably could've put a down payment on a house by now if I added it all up.

Debbi said...

ANONYMOUS! I wish I knew who you were ... or do I?

ANNA! Thanks so much for your comment, you're absolutely right about lemon blooms. They make this room smell so rich. And so does bacon, which is what our New Year's Eve nibbles are made of. Mmmmm.

MAUI! I probably wouldn't struggle if I'd stay away from bacon. Heh. But that wouldn't be much of a life, would it? Here's to a terrific 2012 for you and yours.

denise said...

Happy New Year! It seems that 2011 was a universally unpleasant year, so your sentiments speak for all of us who say good riddance to the bad rubbish that was 2011!

May we all experience a happier, healthier, and, of course, skinnier 2012!