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I'll take my nervous breakdown now, thankyouverymuch

I'm tired. I'm tired of being busy. I'm tired of accommodating Other People. I'm tired of to-do lists and chores and things hanging over my head. It seems like I never stop, there's always another thing on the list, something undone that needs to be done now.

When life gets crazy like it is now, I either sleep too much (Friday: 10 hours; Saturday: 11 hours) or too little (last night: six hours).

The helluvit is, I bring this on myself. I'm in charge of my schedule, for the most part, and I can opt in or out of events and commitments and projects. Obviously I have opting IN down pat. It's the opting OUT I need a little help with.

My to-do list is in duplicate – one is handwritten and stuck to the refrigerator and the other is front-and-center on my Google homepage, all neat and tidy and prioritized. Only one of the 17 items on the digital list is "low" priority, and only one item is crossed off.

So what did I do all weekend? Swept and mopped the acre (well, it seems like an acre anyway) of floors in the house. Mowed three acres of "lawn." Walked, a little. Did laundry, a lot (the only reason I was able to cross off "clean the bathroom in the garage" was because the washer overflowed).

While it's satisfying to cross things off the list, I have trouble seeing the things done (maybe because there aren't very many "done" things?), and concentrate instead on the things undone, which – when it's all written out like that – is overwhelming and leads to inertia. And computer solitaire.

And then there are the normal, everyday things that aren't on either list, but which still clutter my brain: Is the milk still good enough to make yogurt? (It is.) Do I have time to bake a couple loaves of bread to stash in the freezer? (And if I do, will I have to mop the kitchen again?)

The only way this busy-ness would come to a halt is if someone died. Or had a nervous breakdown.

I'm not quite ready to kick the bucket.

P.S. If you're wondering where you, too, can get jars like empty jar #2, I found sets of them here. Crate and Barrel also sells them individually. 


Joan said…
Must be the way the stars are aligned. Your post really encapsulates how I feel at the moment. With added cold germs. Mwah!
Corinne said…
Oh my you sure are a busy woman...Time to sit back and take a lot of deep breaths!
Hope to be following you through this month's NaBloPoMo and thereafter.
dawn edworthy said…
Wow after reading this I will never complain again corinne is right you are a very busy woman I was going to say how do you find the time. Take a day off after all the list will still be their tomorrow.
denise said…
I recommend taking anything with the word "clean" in it off the list. It will just get dirty again and I've never had anyone tell me they wished I had waited to invite them over until my place is clean. If they're talking about what a lousy housekeeper I am behind my back, then screw 'em! :-)

By the way, if you know someone named Sue who is 39, she might be "prove you're not a robot" words for this comment were: suelyin 39!

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