Today is the 181st day of the year. After today's five-miler, I will have walked 657 miles since January. If I were to continue walking five miles daily for the remainder of the year, I could still reach my 1500-mile goal.
You know what, though? I'm declaring, TODAY, the pressure's off.
Which doesn't mean I'm giving up the effort, but does mean I feel pretty good about where I am and I'm done working so damned hard at it.
I've registered for a 5K the end of next month. I did it last year and it was fun and I surprised myself and that's the feeling I want to have – being satisfied with an accomplishment, rather than every damned day thinking I've come up short.
I've spot-checked my weight a couple times this week and it's either holding steady or going down. If I don't obsess about it, I do better. Relieving myself of the obsession to step on the scale daily has been hard, but my head is in a much better place when I don't start the day looking at THAT number.
So. Will 1500 miles happen? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter. If I don't walk another mile for the year, I've still averaged more than most sedentary people do. Even the New York Times found that most Americans log about 5000 steps per day – just slightly more than my current average if I sit the rest of 2014 out.
The pressure's off. Really. I need to be okay with who I am now. I need to keep walking because it's good for my heart and my head, more than for my weight. I need to run because I love running, not because it's a way to get skinny fast.
And I need to cut myself some slack. As Robert Browning said,
"Better have failed in the high aim, as I,
Than vulgarly in the low aim succeed …"
4 comments:
Weight is so subjective - how we feel when we're at a particular weight, I mean. I'm sure you've heard it before, but maybe this is the weight you're "supposed to" be. At any rate, it's been a great accomplishment and you should celebrate that.
That's exactly why I've given up weight loss as a goal. I don't have control over it. All I can control is the way I live my life (to some extent...) but not the results of that. When I'm deliberately trying to lose weight, all I see are my failures. I don't appreciate any accomplishments at all, because only that one counts. That's not a gerbil wheel I want to get back on.
EXACTLY! That gerbil wheel imagery is just so perfect for what I've been doing. I'm excited to be where I am. I feel great and I'm no longer reluctant to have my picture taken. What more could I possibly want? =)
Very impressive, Debbi! I am on week 3 of Couch 2 5K, and I am already feeling better about myself! It is hard not to get on the scale every day to see if I have lost any weight. I am also going to sign up for a 5K and that will be my goal! I will use you as my inspiration! I hope that's okay :)
We should run a 5K together, Deena. I imagine there are more opportunities in your neck of the woods than here ... I'm happy to be your inspiration! And more than a little humbled. Thanks you!
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