Monday, June 30, 2014

Time to get real

I've maintained my current weight for six months. My current weight is still 20 pounds more than I'd LOVE to weight, and 10 pounds more than I'd be happy with, and eight pounds more than my lowest weight last year. Give or take a pound or two.

Today is the 181st day of the year. After today's five-miler, I will have walked 657 miles since January. If I were to continue walking five miles daily for the remainder of the year, I could still reach my 1500-mile goal.

You know what, though? I'm declaring, TODAY, the pressure's off.

Which doesn't mean I'm giving up the effort, but does mean I feel pretty good about where I am and I'm done working so damned hard at it.

I've registered for a 5K the end of next month. I did it last year and it was fun and I surprised myself and that's the feeling I want to have – being satisfied with an accomplishment, rather than every damned day thinking I've come up short.

I've spot-checked my weight a couple times this week and it's either holding steady or going down. If I don't obsess about it, I do better. Relieving myself of the obsession to step on the scale daily has been hard, but my head is in a much better place when I don't start the day looking at THAT number.

So. Will 1500 miles happen? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter. If I don't walk another mile for the year, I've still averaged more than most sedentary people do. Even the New York Times found that most Americans log about 5000 steps per day – just slightly more than my current average if I sit the rest of 2014 out.

The pressure's off. Really. I need to be okay with who I am now. I need to keep walking because it's good for my heart and my head, more than for my weight. I need to run because I love running, not because it's a way to get skinny fast.

And I need to cut myself some slack. As Robert Browning said,
"Better have failed in the high aim, as I,
Than vulgarly in the low aim succeed …"


gingerzingi said...

Weight is so subjective - how we feel when we're at a particular weight, I mean. I'm sure you've heard it before, but maybe this is the weight you're "supposed to" be. At any rate, it's been a great accomplishment and you should celebrate that.

That's exactly why I've given up weight loss as a goal. I don't have control over it. All I can control is the way I live my life (to some extent...) but not the results of that. When I'm deliberately trying to lose weight, all I see are my failures. I don't appreciate any accomplishments at all, because only that one counts. That's not a gerbil wheel I want to get back on.

Debbi said...

EXACTLY! That gerbil wheel imagery is just so perfect for what I've been doing. I'm excited to be where I am. I feel great and I'm no longer reluctant to have my picture taken. What more could I possibly want? =)

Deena Pack said...

Very impressive, Debbi! I am on week 3 of Couch 2 5K, and I am already feeling better about myself! It is hard not to get on the scale every day to see if I have lost any weight. I am also going to sign up for a 5K and that will be my goal! I will use you as my inspiration! I hope that's okay :)

Debbi said...

We should run a 5K together, Deena. I imagine there are more opportunities in your neck of the woods than here ... I'm happy to be your inspiration! And more than a little humbled. Thanks you!