Investing in myself

I spent part of yesterday's early-morning web-surfing time buying clothes online. I recently bought a linen jacket from Coldwater Creek; once you buy one thing from them, you're on their very tempting list, and I took advantage of a big sale there. I ended up with a pair of linen slacks, three skirts and two tops, all very reasonably priced and of excellent quality.

I also made a vow that before these items were delivered, I would cull the closet. Done! I have a large bag of things that don't fit any more ready to take to our local thrift shop.

My desire to lose weight has not diminished, but I'm beginning to realize that it just may not happen. I'll own up to some stress-eating this past month (my husband's tumor is 31 days old today – or at least it's been 31 days since he discovered it). And my daily walks were cut to about every other day, either because of weather or water problems or having to be at the hospital or doctor's office. (If you haven't visited here before, we live in the Middle of Nowhere. Most of our recent health care visits have been an hour's driving distance away.)

But even when I didn't have Life Getting in the Way, I was walking more than 100 miles a month and eating reasonable amounts of healthful food and not losing weight.

Thus, new clothes that will fit me now.

Like many overweight women, I've hung on to the much smaller-sized items for that wonderful day when I am once again thin and beautiful. All those hangers are now empty. (I will admit to saving some of the slightly smaller-sized things for that wonderful day when I am not quite as fat as I am today. Hope, after all, springs eternal.)

The clothes I bought are things I can wear to dance recitals and church and meetings – events and occasions. I have plenty of casual and work-in-the-garden things. But I've found myself spending too much time worrying about what to wear where. This small investment should take care of that.

Less worrying about anything is a Good Thing. I'm a little bit sad, though. I kind of feel like I've caved or surrendered to the fatness. Maybe wearing nice clothes that fit well will help me to have a better self-image. I'd love it if my very healthy insides – normal blood counts, low blood pressure – were better reflected on my outside!

Also? Everything I bought, except that linen jacket, looks to be easily altered. You know, for when I lose all this weight. Heh.