I mentioned to you a couple days ago my sponsor was in hospice. I got word yesterday that she died mid-afternoon. Even when death is expected – even when it's welcomed, to relieve pain and suffering – it's still incredibly sad and awful and final.
Carolyn's body may have died but her spirit is part of all her "girls." That's what she called us, and we are a fiercely loyal pack of strong women who have all kinds of Carolyn wisdom to use and share.
Early in sobriety when I went to her with some problem or decision or issue, she would say, "Think it through to its logical conclusion." Whether it was wanting to drink, changing jobs, going on a date or any one of a number of other choices, thinking it through was her way of figuring things out.
As she became sicker and sicker, I feel certain she followed her own advice, and stopped treatment when she knew that the quality of her life was never going to improve.
She loved her family. She had no children of her own, but her sister's children were her pride and joy. She talked about them frequently and sent pictures often. They will have precious memories the rest of their lives.
She loved AA; the 12 steps and 12 traditions saved her life and she was loyal to the program throughout her more than 30 years of sobriety. She didn't love all the people in AA, and neither do I, but she helped me see that everyone can be an example, of either how to be or how not to be.
She loved her girls, and I'm so grateful I was one of them. She would want all of us to move on, have fun, love life, give what we have to help others and thank God for our lives.
And so I will.